Well, anyone else feel like each day is a bit of a roll of the dice lately? I mean… it can feel like everything is changing and at the same time, nothing is changing. It feels like there is a lot of division in the world. You are either this or that. Many are seeking normal, but I don’t think we will ever go back to a normal. In fact, I argue that there is no such thing as normal really. After my dad died, I kept wanting to feel normal again, but I began to realize that was never coming. I would find a new normal, but not the old one. With Corona virus, I feel like whatever normal we get back to will never be the same, it can’t be because we have experienced this huge event, this trauma, this crisis. We are grieving or mourning the past… Those are real and true feelings.
I have felt a wide array of emotions through all of this — since mid-March. I have also felt moments of familiarity. Much of what I am feeling reminds me of how I have felt during deployments or as I went through the grieving process. I find I am leaning into some of the same coping mechanisms I used during those times as well. Thankfully they are mostly healthy. While I do not know what tomorrow or next week or next month will bring, I can say that we will never be able to go back to that normal.
I believe that it is important to process these emotions. To feel the pain, to grieve the old normal, to mourn canceled plans, to be angry that you can’t travel, to feel anxiety over a loss of income. You may ask “How do you process these feelings?” Journaling is a great place to start. It is a powerful tool to write out your thoughts. No one will see them or judge them. You can often make sense of the swirling thoughts in your brain. I often feel better after I get something out of my brain. You can also share with a friend, family member, or therapist. A therapist can be a hugely powerful tool, especially if you are feeling stuck. My biggest recommendation for processing tough feelings is to allow yourself to feel them. This doesn’t mean sulk or wallow for long periods of time, but give yourself a day or weekend to be frustrated, upset, and sad…. then work on getting out of it.
Ground yourself with healthy coping habits. I consider these more of basic self care honestly, but it’s easy to drop them when life gets overwhelming. I highly recommend moving your body daily. This is a great way to work off some of those anxious feelings as well as clear your head. It can help with working off some of those extra calories you may be consuming during quarantine. I also recommend giving yourself multiple moments throughout the day when you will stop, check in with yourself, and recenter (if needed). What does this look like? For me, I have 4 alarms set on my phone — when they go off, I get up from where I am (especially important if I am sitting), move around, change the location I am working (if I can) and give myself a 5-10 minute break. Sometimes this is letting the dog out and playing with her, it could be dancing foolishly in the kitchen, it might be checking in with Chris if he is home… it could also be scrolling on social media if I have practiced good habits of not doing this all day 🙂 I also recommend fueling your body with mostly good foods. When we put junk into our bodies, we feel tired, sluggish, and emotional. When you put good foods into your body, you feel strong, energetic, and more stable. (These are of course generalizations.) I’m not saying no treats, but keep them in moderation.
The other habit that is SO important, I wouldn’t even call it coping, I call it basic survival, is getting good sleep. I wrote a whole blog post about sleep, which will give you a lot more, but the basics are GET MORE SLEEP. Most adults in the US do not get enough sleep. It’s dangerous for our health as well as society. It doesn’t buy you more working hours, it just makes you far less productive, unable to think clearly, and less likely to have patience. Get the sleep, please, it will help you SO MUCH with every other thing you are trying to accomplish and it will make all of your relationships much more pleasant.
Now, for more self care…. This is personal hygiene, but just doing the basics — washing your face, brushing your teeth, taking a shower — but also adding something special. This could be taking a bath, adding some epsom salts or bubble bath, give yourself a face mask (the fun cosmetic kind, not the cloth kind…), light a candle. Maybe you will give yourself a manicure or pedicure at home. Take time to do something you love, but don’t often have time (or allow time) to do — cook a nice meal, call a friend, write a long letter, color, read, take a nap! You could also have a treat — a chocolate and cup of tea, buy your favorite cookie or pastry… if your budget allows, shop from your favorite store.
Self care is also very personal. I believe it is a powerful coping mechanism because it takes care of YOU, but I can’t necessarily tell you what you need. Learning to listen to your body, your mind, your heart, is so important. Having the ability, the emotional intelligence, to recognize what your body needs, is like a secret weapon. You will know if you need rest, chocolate, a bath, or a good cry.
There are a few other ideas I will share – some may speak to you and others will make no sense. I like to plan something fun to look forward to when life feels less than ideal. This can be small (a day on the couch reading my book all day) or big (a trip to a tropical location for a long weekend). I will spread joy — I’ll send a kind note to a friend showing my appreciation, I’ll buy coffee for the care behind me, I’ll donate food to the local food bank. Doing something kind for someone, without any expectation, reminds me I have worth. I will also write a ‘brag list’ of sorts — sometimes when the world is feeling heavy, it can make us doubt ourselves. I remember what I am good at, I focus on how I can use those skills to put good out there. It reminds me that those skills aren’t going anywhere. It can also remind me of the hard things I have gotten through – the hard things I have survived. If I got through THAT, then I surely can get through this.
Alright, hey look, per usual Gretchen style this is a bit of everything, but I sure hope it gave you some fabulous ideas (or at least one new idea) on how to cope with these strange and unknown times. What are your coping methods? What are your struggles? We are so much stronger together – your story or tip may help someone else!
xoxo, Gretchen