Welp, I had a bit of a breakdown last night. The weight of the world is heavy right now. Anyone else feeling it? I’m not worried about my own personal safety and I am very thankful that my extended family is mostly healthy. But the magnitude of this is a lot. And last night it hit me. There’s a lot of information out there, none of it providing much comfort. There’s a high level of uncertainty. I see people doing activities that I wouldn’t think are social distancing, I hear of others struggling with their mental health, and I know people are worried about money (us too..)
I had to allow myself to feel this. I had to feel that weight. The world is in a weird place. Life has taken a pause in many ways. Many restaurants are closing or moving to a to-go only model. Most retail shops are closing or doing curb side pick up. Salons are closing. I am starting to even see some primarily online retailers closing their warehouses. Schools are shut down and moving to an online format. Gyms are closed. What is deemed an essential business is becoming a short list. It is a lot to take in. It’s a constantly changing situation without a defined ‘end.’ If you are feeling this, I get it, you are not alone.
Then I had to dig a bit to see the good. I have to believe that there are things that will be blessings from this situation. Will we come up with new models for having meetings and learning that are more online based and thus connecting people from remote areas? Will we as a society scale back a bit on a vicious (at times) drive for achieving the highest profits? Will we be reminded of the importance of a hello to a stranger or helping someone reach an item on the top shelf at the grocery store? (Shorty problem – if you see me trying to climb the shelf, please offer to help!) Will we be reminded that it is powerful to slow down, to notice the beauty in our own homes, that our kids really can get along, and that our husbands can in fact do the dishes?
I will be honest, even after bringing myself back to a place of positivity, I didn’t sleep well. I stayed up too late reading, trying to take my mind off life. I worried about my kitty, Sadie, who I’m pretty sure has a UTI. I wondered if I would fall into old habits of sleeping in, watching Hulu half the day, and eating chips and dip on the couch. (Don’t worry, I’m planning a down day this week.) When my alarm went off, I did not want to get up, but I turned my light on. Why? Because today is a new day. I will be damned if I let my surroundings dictate my mood. I am in control of how I see the world, the perspective I choose. I shortened up my run a bit (2 miles instead of 4) because I ran hard. I had to get a bit of that angst out. I made a veggie based egg scramble. I drank a big bottle of water.
And now I’m writing to you. It helps me to help you. I know there is power in sharing our stories. I hope that reading this gives you peace of mind when you are feeling the weight of the world. I hope that my usual positivity gives you inspiration to find the lights and turn them up. We will get through this. Life as we knew it will change. And I believe in my heart that we will learn valuable lessons that will forever bring us closer in our humanity. Don’t disappoint me. And don’t diminish the impact you have on the world. You matter. You are worthy and enough. You are doing your best. Keep being the person you will be proud to look back on once we have made it through this.
Now I am going to go plan out something fun to bake and bring some happiness into the world. I’m thinking ALL PINK 🙂 I’m sending you LOVE and prayers. May you find more moments of calm than stress among the worry of the world.
xoxo, Gretchen