Well, here we are again. Safe at home for week… three I’m guessing for many of us. Today my anxiety hit and it hit hard. I woke up with that dreaded feeling of fire in my veins, a big giant blob sitting on my chest, and worried thoughts racing through my brain. It’s happened before, not for a while, but it’s one of the worst feelings.
I do a lot to fight my anxiety – to be proactive so that it stays in check. I exercise daily, get outside, reduce caffeine and alcohol, eat a healthy diet (mostly), journal, find gratitude daily, read, snuggle with my dog (and husband), bake and cook, create art, send cards… my list is long and I am forever trying to fill my days with more things that bring me joy than don’t! This blog has been a source of immense joy for me. But the days I wake up with anxiety are the hardest because then I need to force myself out of bed, I need to push those feelings out of my brain and go about my day. Honestly, sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes my day looks vastly different than I planned, but an improvement over how I woke up. I call that a win.
Today I got up to go for my morning run. I was going to do 5 miles…but around 1/2 mile, I knew that was going to change. My chest was heavy and it felt hard to breath. Not danger I need to stop, but the weight of the world was sitting right on my chest – all those worries were fogging my brain. I ran 3.1 miles (a 5k) instead. I know that sometimes we need to push past our mental chatter…today I pushed as much as I could. As I proceeded through my day the anxiety shifted and started to ease. I am sharing about it here, but I also shared about it on my instagram.
In that post, I share how I felt today — how this weightiness of the world is heavy. I want to help, I want to do more, I feel like my efforts aren’t enough. The reality is I am doing the best I know how and I will continue to do that. I find that there is tremendous value in sharing our stories honestly. Today I was raw and vulnerable. This is not my norm, but that’s okay. I also share hope – we will get through this together and we are so much stronger together. Those people – they are holding up the world TOGETHER. Those hearts – they represent all the love we see around us.
I know times are difficult right now, the uncertainty is frustrating, the change is hard, people are sick, and finances are in flux. I also know that people are tough – we are tough and built to do hard things. Friends, you have got this. I believe in you so very much. Do not give up. Do not quit. You have a support around the world that is fighting this same fight and our best chance at beating it is TOGETHER.
This bake is part of the #bakemestigmafree movement. Please check out the other participants and support them. It’s scary to share your story, but sharing gives us all strength.
xoxo, Gretchen