I recently had a conversation with a friend… We know each other from college and have sporadically kept in touch. I wouldn’t say we are close, but when we chat, there is a connection. She remarked that she appreciated that I had emotional intelligence. At the time I didn’t think a whole lot of this comment. We had opened up a fair amount, but honestly, I’m mostly an open book. I am comfortable owning my story, perhaps I share too much, but oh well, that’s me. You get the real me, authentic Gretchen, with most any conversation.
I had never connected this to emotional intelligence… but let’s back up a second and see what it is defined as. Per dictionary.com, emotional intelligence is “skill in perceiving, understanding, and managing emotions and feelings.” Okay, so an awareness of emotions and feelings…. knowing the why of them…. and then knowing what to do about them. I pondered…. yes, I guess I am okay with this. More importantly, I started to quickly realize that I think I’m okay at this because I have done a fair amount of dedicated self development over the past 2+ years. I didn’t realize this would be a by product of that work.
Within my life, knowing myself is a HUGE part of emotional intelligence. Allow me to provide a few examples… The past few months have been a roller coaster of emotions and an onslaught of every changing feelings for most everyone, myself included. I won’t say I have loved these times or even thrived through them, but what I can say I have done is been acutely aware of all that I am feeling. I can sit in the overwhelming, confusing, and depressing emotions of being SAFE (stuck) at home for(ever), seeing loud divisive behaviors and distrust for various organizations, civil unrest surrounding racial injustice… honestly, the list is long… but the point is I can sit in this… I can see it…and keep going. I can recognize I am not okay, but I will be. I can make a plan, take action in the areas I can control, do the best to ignore the ones I can’t… I don’t let it consume me (mostly). Because I can be someone with very strong passions, it would be easy to let them control me, but I try to maintain a perspective of reality.
Another example is when something makes me feel anger, pain, and rage… Someone says something for example and it’s just not something you want to hear. I have learned to politely take a deep breath and say a variation of “I want to respond, but I need a little time to give a response that is thoughtful.” Wow has this saved me from a million arguments that would likely have been super messy and unproductive. This is an especially monumental breakthrough for me. I tend to want to tackle issues head on, wade through the messy, and find a solution. I have learned this is absolutely one way of doing it, but not always the best way, especially if the issue at hand is not urgent.
I think the last example that I have really capitalized on over the last couple of years is the idea of mindset. I still have big mood swings, but I’ve learned that my mindset can help to offset their impact. This often looks like smiling when I don’t want to, forcing myself to see the silver lining, and sharing that. I spread a lot of positive messaging wherever I can. It helps me to maintain my optimism and positivity. I dare say it’s a form of accountability. I also know that I draw a ton of inspiration from others who spread goodness throughout the world, so I try to pay it forward in a sense. I begin my days with a gratitude practice, when I’m feeling hopeless I flip the script to see good, and instead of focusing on the hard of a situation I remind myself of the power in overcoming challenges.
Do you feel like you have emotional intelligence? What do you struggle with? Here are two articles that I came across while writing this. I found them each to be helpful, but from differing perspectives. I’d love to hear what helps you gain a stronger emotional intelligence!
10 Ways to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
Improving Emotional Intelligence
I hope you are staying well. There is a lot going on in the world right now, our world. I hope you are finding a place to maintain peace. For me, art is helping a lot. I am also *trying* (somewhat terribly…but still trying) to limit my social media intake. It can be kind of a dumpster fire of misinformation, fighting, and frankly, a bunch of junk I do not agree with. I try to maintain a balanced intake of varied information so that I am not just consuming what I believe, but seeing the other side. My wish for you is that you will have more moments of joy and smiles than frustration throughout your day. I hope you may find the optimism and positivity that will keep you going.
xoxo, Gretchen