Do you pick a word of the year?

This is something that is newer to me — picking a word of the year. I have read about it and casually picked one in previous years, but it never was intentional enough to stick. (Or this is what I tell myself… haha)

Last year (2019) my word (ironically) was intentional. I wanted to be intentional with everything I did because I was feeling a sense of “floating on” (to quote Modest Mouse…) 2018 and 2019 were years with a LOT of change and transition in my life (more on that in separate entries – I don’t want to keep you here ALL week..) and I felt a lack of control, a lack of a center, a home base, a rock, a routine, an anchor – to ground me to any sense of stability. I cannot think of a single relationship or role that did not go under a magnifying glass during this time and provide a point of stress and tension in my life. So, with all the big beautiful dreams and hopes in my heart, I picked INTENTIONAL to be my 2019 word. I was going to take back control by being intentional with my actions, my reactions (probably the biggest things), my attitudes, my emotions… you get the point. I’d say I did about 50% with this. Pat on the back… audited the year (I’ll go into that at some point too…) lived, learned, moved on!

So, as 2020 was approaching, I wanted to pick a word that REALLY spoke to me. Some of the words that came to mind were brave, courageous, strong, clarity… they kind of felt right, but they weren’t screaming YES. I wanted a word that would encourage and remind me to stick my neck out there. I realized I had been playing things safe — in my feeble attempt to find what grounded me. Through geographic changes, job changes/unemployment, marriage tension, loss (of both a parent and best friend), financial stressors, identity questioning, shifts in friendships … you get the picture, it ALL changed, I desperately wanted stability, so I retreated to things I knew. I searched for a pharmacy job, I worked on creating art, I went home to Maine for the summer/work… I did a LOT of personal development and questioning to figure out who Gretchen was without Pharmacy, to figure out what my operating principals were, but I was still staying inside a comfortable bubble of me.

In early January, I attended Rise women’s conference put on by the Hollis Co (aka Rachel Hollis)… if you stick around you’ll likely hear her name often. I still had not picked my word, but one of the things she said on stage was that your word should scare you — ya know, the kind of scare where you are like “woah, really… we sure about this… I don’t know” and none of those words were doing that. On my drive home from the conference it hit me… like a ton of bricks (which is kind of funny when you hear the word…) DISCOMFORT. Yesssss! It was my word. It was time to get out of my not very comfortable comfort zone and enter the discomfort zone — where they say growth happens, right? It made so much sense! Playing it safe was not working so I had to get out there and take some risks. With big risk comes big reward and this is my year of risk. (Old Gretchen is seriously having a panic attack at that… heck, new Gretchen can feel it coming on, but she has some great breathing techniques to calm that beast down – will share, promise!) I called my mom (Hi Mama *wave*) and talked it out (I was driving so I need to form these thoughts before they dare escape my brain!) When I got home I shared them with Chris (he’s my hubby, more on him late too, but this is MY blog, love you babe). I documented it in my planner and wrote a post about it on my social media accounts. 

So far I think I’m doing well with my word.

I have been consistent with moving my body – I have two goals with running this year. One is to run at least a 5k race every month and since the first and last ones will be in different states, to have them all in different states. I’ve got Washington, Florida, and soon to be Georgia checked off. Signed up for Alabama, Texas, will most definitely get Maine…. so I feel well on the way to this goal. The second goal is to run the Rise Run Half Marathon (because y’all I am only half crazy…. plus at my pace, 3 hours of running is about all I can imagine, at the moment, running at one time) in Texas in December. I’ve already experienced some physical discomforts (thank you strange calf injury – that was real fun, not…) and mental discomfort to get my booty out of bed and run before it’s hot in Florida (why, why must you be 75º and humid in JANUARY?!) 

I have also been reading a lot more. I categorize this in the discomfort because it’s not easy to make reading books for fun a primary goal of my day, something I consider an accomplishment, something worthy of my time when I’m not working. My brain is still a bit brainwashed to feel like none of my goals or accomplishments are significant if they don’t have a monetary value (for sure more on this one!) I have read a lot of cooking related books (some were from the end of last year): Let Me Eat Cake by Leslie Miller, Garlic and Sapphires by Ruth Reichl, Eight Flavors by Sarah Lohman, Blood Bones & Butter by Gabrielle Hamilton, The Recipe Club by Andrea Israel and Nancy Garfinkel. And I also read Small Wonder by Barbara Kingsolver. I’ll dive into these more later on — I HIGHLY recommend Garlic and Sapphires (although Delicious is my favorite by Ruth Reichl) and Small Wonder (and if you are a food nerd like me – I loved ALL of these books). I’m currently reading Burnout by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski – so far I am really loving it. It is one I recommend for any women who currently struggles with “I have so much on my plate and so much I want to do, I need more hours in the day and more sleep!” 🙂 I have joined Jen Hatmaker’s online book club (Burnout is the March book) and also her book launch team for Fierce, Free and Full of Fire — her newest book that releases on April 21, 2020. I will be posting some updates on social media and a full review once I finish it — thus far, I suggest every women I know go and preorder it because if it doesn’t resonate with you (which I almost guarantee it will) you will know someone who it will resonate with. Oh, and I’m also reading the WHOLE bible this year — I’m on Numbers right now so there’s a lot of skimming, that’s all I’m gonna say about that at the moment. 🙂

Starting this blog! It was something I talked about, hmm’ed and hawed, talked myself out of DOZENS of times… and then finally was like “now or never girl”, so here we are. The list of 50 or so ideas in a note on my phone tells me that even if no one is going to read it I have a lot to share with the lovely internet 🙂 Related, but also not, I have been a lot more open about where I am at in life. I’ve never hid if from people, but I didn’t always share it publicly. I have shared about some of the mental health struggles I have faced though a baking collaboration (shout out to Stephy @theanxious.baker and her #bakemestigmafree movement — check it out!) Our story is our super power — sharing it can often help others see they are not alone, it can reduce the stigma, and it makes all of us stronger in moving through our challenges. In large part, that is what I hope this blog can do. So I guess it’s totally related 🙂 

And today I will add applying to be a substitute teacher to this list. Partly this specific job, but just being serious about employment outside of pharmacy. I have not been able to find a job in pharmacy, but the money stress is getting to me. I am enjoying the flexibility with my schedule, but also need some purpose (and money…) 

I think that about sums of the main areas of discomfort that I am embarking on. Four seems pretty solid since we are two months into the year… I may or may not (read: most definitely) have bitten off more than I can chew in the midst of growth and change and goals and all the ideas that I can’t narrow down, but don’t want to pick and choose…. 

Do you pick a word of the year? What is it? Why? What are some of your goals for the year? Do you think I’m crazy with all these little projects in my life? Do you have any book suggestions? Favorite workout gear? Substitute teaching tips (I’m still not sure what age I want to try/will feel most comfortable with…)? Blog post ideas?

xoxo, Gretchen